Still Swept Away
Still Swept Away
By Rebecca Jackson
I once wrote a poem about a woman who had run away from her husband. All she could see was what he hadn’t done for her. She saw the things in her house he hadn’t fixed. The way she just couldn’t trust that His love could be enough. The way the relationship took so much work, what felt like too much work.
So, she ran.
But, then, she returned to him. The running didn’t fix anything; you never can outrun your fears. Instead, she realized He was everything, even though it was hard for her to trust.
She ran right back to the doorway of the home they had built together. And, He immediately welcomed her back into His home with open arms. He forgave her. He scooped her right up.
She couldn’t believe how happy He was to have the mess she was back; she knew she didn’t deserve it; she never did deserve any of it. He didn’t demand explanations; He didn’t close the door in her face; He didn’t tell her she had lost her chance, no…instead, he swept her up with grace.
This poem had been a metaphor for me, at the time. A metaphor for the way God was always sweeping me up with grace. Even after I doubted. Even after I ran. Even after, even after, even after.
I wrote this poem years ago. I was a teenage girl. This was before I had graduated college, before I had gotten married, before I became a woman.
But this story, this poem, hasn’t stopped affecting me. I still come back to it all the time; like the wayward bride returning home. Now it has shifted in my perspective just as my own life has shifted after all these years.
Now, instead of reading it with the reckless, dramatic passion of a teenage girl, I see it through the eyes of a woman.
And still, after all this time, God remains a patient love. My most constant companion. He forgives me for my fits. He consoles me through my anxiety. He is always everything; not only when it’s hard to trust, but also even after everything changes.
So often people talk about how it’s crazy to get married young, but I did it anyway. They say it is because you change so much over the years, so you and your partner will both change and presumably grow apart, or you will decide they are not the same person you once married.
But, as my own marriage continues to add year after year under its belt—I’ve realized, it’s true. You do change. (Hopefully, you’re a human being who changes and grows!) But, that’s okay because you have a choice: you can either grow separately, or you can grow together.
It’s been beautiful and fun and hard and so worth it to grow together. We make an intentional effort to do so, and through all these changes—I’ve had a partner with me through it all, and that’s what has not changed.
With the problem of someone changing and their lives shifting and that affecting the relationship, I look to my partnership with God, too. I had someone tell me all those years ago, back around the time I wrote that poem, that I would probably grow up and grow out of my relationship with God. But, I didn’t let that scare me.
Just as my husband and I have done: I grow with God.
As my life shifts, and my fears change, and my needs and desires look so different from those of my younger self— God grows with me. Every relationship takes effort; that’s something I’m thankful I knew even when I was young. I knew it well enough to write a poem about it.
Relationships are hard; they take work; they’re not easy—but that’s no reason not to have them. When my husband and I first got engaged, countless people warned us that, “Marriage will be hard! And even harder since you’re getting married while still in college. Are you sure you want to do this?” People told us if we just waited, it would be so much easier.
But, I just don’t think the fact that something is hard work is any reason to give up on it. And, in my mind and heart, I love my husband so much that life without him seems completely unbearable and heartbreaking—and isn’t that so much harder?
Similarly, my relationship with God takes work to truly grow: it takes constant care and time, it takes investment, it takes riding out the difficulties of growing up and my perspectives changing and expanding; and it would’ve been so much easier to let it go, but the reward is so much greater than the hardship. Which, to me, means that it wouldn’t have been easier, not in the ways that matter.
I may change, and it might be work, but He is still the God who sweeps me away with grace.
“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him." Luke 15:20
"Rather, you must grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. All glory to him, both now and forever! Amen." 2 Peter 3:18
Rebecca Jackson lives in sunny CA with her adorable husband and spoiled pup: they hike, visit the beach, chase after Jesus, drink lots of tea, and read lots of books. When she’s not with them, or working, she’s writing— you can find some of what she writes at her blog, ohreallyrebecca.com.
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