The "D" Word
The "D" Word
By Katie Jackson
Divorce.
Until about one year ago, my experience with divorce was (mercifully) limited; I knew a few people whose parents had been divorced, but no one in my family or close circle of friends had gone through a divorce that I was privy to. It didn’t seem impossible that my parents would get divorced given their severe lack of compatibility and clashing personalities, but I hadn’t given much thought to it. When my parents finally announced that they would be getting a divorce, after months (honestly, more like years) of hinting at the idea, I can’t say I was shocked.
I truly believe my parents will be happier once they are divorced, and as a (somewhat) mature 24-year-old, I want my parents to be happy, even if that means divorce. In my infinite wisdom, I thought this clarity would spare me from the usual divorce drama. I was fine with my parents splitting up, so what was there to be upset about?
What I wasn’t prepared for was the long and torturous process of mediation, and, when mediation failed, the grim prospect of my parents fighting it out in court.
I wasn’t prepared for month after month of tense meetings with lawyers who seem to have questionable intentions.
I wasn’t prepared for potential resolution dates to get pushed back three, four, five times until it seems this process will never end.
I wasn’t prepared for constantly being dragged into arguments where I’m expected to take a side even though I only have half of the necessary information at best.
I wasn’t prepared for the animosity tainting every conversation for the past year, with no end in sight. I feel like I am caught in the middle; I refuse to take either parent's side, but I fear that will lead each of them to think I am on the other one's side and ultimately destroy my relationship with both of them.
I dread family interactions where I know I will have to go to great lengths to avoid talking about the divorce, lest anyone mistake my neutrality for apathy or quiet manipulation. I had always thought of myself as a confrontational and opinionated person, until now; when it feels everyone is trying to extract my thoughts so that they can be used as ammunition in divorce proceedings I find myself hiding away, waiting for the storm to pass.
But God does not drop us into the middle of a stormy sea alone; He always gives us a life raft.
My life rafts have been the wise women I work with, who lend their shoulders to lean on, who listen with a non-judgmental ear, who keep me sane and make me feel like I am not alone. My boyfriend is another life raft, preventing me from drowning in misery, armed with laughter and a knowing look when Mad Men, our current Netflix show, says “Divorce makes people crazy.” And I am blessed with others still - a good book provides an escape, Heaven Bent Women provides a welcome sense of community, and work provides a safe space away from the drama at home.
“He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” Isaiah 40:29
Just two years ago I would not have had all of these life rafts to help me through this difficult time. I had transferred colleges as a junior and felt isolated from my peers at my new university. I leaned heavily on my family and my boyfriend, my new, shrunken inner circle, so much smaller than the 200-member sorority I had grown accustomed to as a freshman and sophomore. If my parents' divorce had come during that time, I don't know how I would have fared.
Even though the divorce process is still ongoing I can already see that God has armed my family with the necessary strength to survive this difficult time.
My mother took up music a few years ago and through that she has gained both a creative outlet and a fun-loving, social group of friends that she can lean on.
My father is in the best shape of his life and has strengthened relationships with his siblings.
If the divorce had come a different time it could have made me bitter about marriage, but that potential bitterness is repelled by the newlywed glow of my friends who are beginning strong marriages of their own.
Though there is never a good time for the dissolution of a marriage, I trust that God has watched out for me, and my family, and that this timing fits into His plan for all of us.
He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority." Acts 1:7
Katie Jackson lives with her best friend in Colorado where she loves training for marathons, playing with her cat, and biking.
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