More Than a Relationship Status
More Than a Relationship Status
By Sara Beth Kelley
“Whaaaaaat? You’ve never had a boyfriend? Why?! I mean, don’t you want one?”
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that in high school, I’d be paying for my college right now.
I was the girl that didn’t date in high school. There were boys I thought were cute, and yes, I had a few major crushes, but it just never worked out to be anything more than that. At times, I was able to enjoy my singleness. A lot of times though, it was hard.
However, it was not until I recently dated someone and then got broken up with that I realized singleness is just as much of a “relationship status” as dating someone is.
Singleness is a label.
That’s how I used to see myself in high school- single. I didn’t necessarily see it as a bad thing, but I did let it define me. When I met someone new, one of the first things I would tell them was, “oh and by the way, I’m single.” Not because- if it was a guy- I wanted to date them, but because I thought that was on a need to know basis when, in reality, the person I was meeting probably didn’t care. I talked about being single, I made jokes about being single, and when I would do a Bible study, I always tried to relate the main point back to me being single.
Just to be clear--I was not miserable without a boyfriend. I actually enjoyed it most of the time. But instead of just me enjoying life, I saw it as me enjoying “being single.”
I used to think that my singleness was all I brought to the table. I thought that’s why other girls looked up to me, because I was a single girl following Jesus. Not simply because I was a girl following Jesus.
That was my problem; I couldn’t just see myself as a girl. In my eyes, I was always a single girl. I thought that everything Jesus wanted to say to me was about how to enjoy being single and preparing to meet my husband. Thank goodness He showed me that He has so much more for me than that. He showed me that I am not a single girl.
With Jesus, I am just simply a girl. A girl who is loved by Him. A girl who isn’t confined to labels. A girl who is so much more than a relationship status. Single may be an adjective that describes me, but it is not my label.
You, precious girl, are also much more than a relationship status. I don’t know if you are currently single, in a relationship, never had a boyfriend, or had several boyfriends, but I do know that none of that defines you.
Jesus has so much more for us than the fairytale romance we so often envision. In fact, He has immeasurably more.
Ephesians 3:20 says, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory…” So again I say, Jesus has so much more for us than just the fairytale romance we envision. IMMEASURABLY MORE!
Imagine your plan for your life and how great you think that is or will be…now multiply it by like a thousand. It probably still isn’t as great as the one Jesus has.
Your life should not revolve strictly around preparing yourself for marriage.
I am not saying that preparing for marriage is not important because THAT IS SO IMPORTANT. However, you were not put on this earth to be a wife. You may become one eventually, but that is not your sole purpose.
In 1 Corinthians 7: 32 Paul is speaking to the unmarried believers and he says, “…an unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs- how he can please the Lord.” Of course that goes for the unmarried ladies too.
Paul does not say we should be concerned with when we’ll get married. Or who we will marry. Or how it will all play out. Or if we are prepping for it in the right way. Nope. Paul says we should be concerned with how we can please the Lord.
If you are concerned with and focused on pleasing the Lord, He will take care of preparing your heart. If He has planned for you to marry, He will take care of finding you a man. He will take care of the whens and hows. He will make it all work better than we ever could.
You are here to glorify our Creator and share His crazy, amazing, infinite love. That is pleasing to Him. The opportunities we have and the roles that we fill are blessings straight from heaven.
I finally had this realization at 20 years-old after being in my first relationship. I got a boyfriend after 19 years, and I thought I had made it. I thought we were end game. I thought it was perfect because I thought my first boyfriend was going to be my last. Then, five months later, he decided he didn’t know what he wanted anymore, and we broke up. I was hurt. I cried. I was confused. I was angry. Then I cried some more. But through all of that hurt and pain, I experienced Jesus in a very real, very sweet way. It was through all of that that God taught me that I was more than a relationship status. I wasn’t the girl who had just been broken up with. I wasn’t the girl who was single again.
I was and still am, simply a girl loved by Him. A girl who isn’t confined to labels. A girl who is more than a relationship status.
I hope and pray that you seek and find that truth sooner than I did. I pray that you live out your years as years. Not “single years.” Not “years waiting to be married.” Not “years looking for Mr. Right.” But just as years.
I pray that those years for you are spent seeking Jesus above all else.
I pray that you ask Him to teach you about more than just how to date and how to be a good wife. (Important things, yes!!! But that’s not all the Lord wants to teach you about.)
I pray that you let Him define you, not your relationship status.
You are not the single girl. You are not the girl in a relationship.
You are not the girl who is single again. You are not the girl who is in another relationship.
With Jesus, you are simply a girl.
A girl who is loved by Him.
A girl who isn’t confined to labels.
A girl who is so much more than a relationship status.
Sara Beth is 20 years old and is majoring in elementary education. She loves working with kids and mentoring girls through the youth group at her church. She smiles pretty much all the time, and nothing brings her more joy than walking through this life with Jesus.
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