Addressing Grief
Addressing Grief
By Laura Weinmann
My mother said we didn’t need to wear black to the funeral.
When my sisters and I lost our first grandparent – our first family member – we were at a loss as to what was appropriate to say, to feel, to wear...By God’s grace, we were adults before we had to feel this type of grief, but like children we looked to our mother for guidance.
I stared at the row of dresses in my closet…too colorful…too loud of a pattern…too black and grim, I thought as I pushed each one aside. Finally, I settled upon a favorite of my work dresses with a good balance of black and white and unobtrusive detail.
More than a few tears fell past my wadded up handkerchief and onto my dress at the service. Afterward I grabbed at the skirt for comfort as I spoke with dozens of strange, loving faces whose wonderful shared stories I’m sorry to say quickly blurred together as all my energy drained away.
I put the dress back on the hanger and without thought didn’t wear it again. Sometimes I’d pull it out as an option in the morning – decisively viewing it just like any old dress – but ultimately another outfit better suited my mood.
Ten months to the day from my grandfather’s funeral, I flipped through my dresses and the black and white dress just felt right again. I smiled a quick smile to myself as I slipped it on and raced out the door.
At 9 a.m., a friend of mine at work asked if I’d like to grab coffee. When we met by the elevators I’d barely uttered hello before she said that her grandmother died last night – her first grandparent to pass away. I knew that her grandmother had been sick and threw my arms around my grieving friend. On our walk to Starbucks, we spoke both about grief on earth and about the joy in knowing that her grandmother was free from pain in God’s arms. How can we be sad knowing how happy she must be now?
When we look back on our grade school days, we realize how often what then felt like huge burdens are now just blurry, distant memories of little importance. In kind, we will one day look back from Heaven at our time on earth and ask how we could have grieved so much when this is where our loved ones go.
“He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth. The Lord has spoken. In that day they will say, surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.’” Isaiah 8:9
In the moment, it is difficult to keep this perspective, just as it can be difficult for adults to empathize with the troubles of grade school children.
God prepares us to be vessels for His good and asks us to bear each other’s burdens.
Sometimes that preparation is mental preparation.
Sometimes that preparation is as subtle as guiding a hand toward a nearly forgotten dress so that with the strength of time-passed we may slip back into the beginning of our grief journey to begin it again in empathy for a friend.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, I am making everything new!’ Then he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’ He said to me: ‘It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.’” Revelation 21:4-8.
Laura Weinmann is an incredible Investment Banker in Atlanta, Georgia, who loves all things sweet and her fiance, Ben.
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