Am I Cursed or Something? Thoughts of a 30-Something
Am I Cursed Or Something? Thoughts of a 30-Something
By Jenny Godwin
I found myself asking that question more often that I would have liked to admit. It usually happens after a series of weddings galore where I was one of the best bridesmaids ever has come to an end or is even about to begin. I really should put a wedding line item in my budget because the amount I have spent on wedding gifts, lingerie showers, bachelorette weekends and parities, and etc. is definitely in the thousands.
I love my friends and have enjoyed celebrating them and their new seasons of life, but there have been some difficult times in the midst. Spoiler alert though-- I am far from cursed and so are you. ☺
Dancing, laughing, and enjoying the adult beverages are a good time and heck, so am I. While fun is had and joy is seen, it does not mean it is always glamorous. I have wondered what I had done wrong to not be anywhere close to marriage and feared I had messed up way too much to have that opportunity.
Then I let comparisons flood my heart and mind, which always ends in rainbows and sunshine <Insert ridiculous eye rolling here>. What actually happened for a while was the occasional pity party and temper tantrum. It is not graceful or endearing as a toddler and certainly isn’t when you’re in your 20s and 30s.
On a related side note, people mean well when they try to offer encouragement. It’s comical at this point because it usually goes something like this, “HEY! Do you know Susie? She’s single, too!” In the last few years I normally respond with, “Ummm I’m not looking to meet single women. I’m game for meeting single men though.”
Marriage doesn’t bring total joy or fix problems. Just like a career doesn’t bring total satisfaction or completion. Don’t get me wrong, these are marvelous things and are most certainly gifts, but they bring their own sets of challenges. What they do bring is happiness, but keep in mind that happiness can be taken away with a phone call or a text message.
Joy only comes from completion in Christ.
Paul said in Colossians 2:2-3, “My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.”
I have no idea why God has not allowed me to settle because He knows better than anyone just how many times I’ve tried. I’m not desperate, and I’m not looking for a man to complete me, but I do look forward to companionship in that regard and I’ll even admit it, sex (sorry mom & dad). I’m going to make one heck of a wife someday, but until then, I get to do a lot of really fun and exciting things in this season. Oh, and that means you do as well!
What exactly?
I’m so glad you asked! There’s freedom to travel without having to run it by someone. I get to be the one who plans my schedule. Yes, there are various responsibilities and such, but those are part of life. Another great part of this stage is that we have the freedom to serve others with visits and help them with the occasional babysitting and serving in various ministries where God calls us to be.
Yes, there will be those in marriage, but it is different. We also have a chance to take a meal to a family in need, visiting with our families or chatting with friends who walk through life with us. The options are unlimited really. This coming week I get to puppy sit for some dear friends because I have the freedom and availability. Tonight I get to meet with a photographer friend to discuss an upcoming project we want to work on together that will hopefully encourage young women to find hope in Christ alone.
I am not encouraging you to be selfish or to be focused on that type of mindset, but I am encouraging you to embrace where you are in life. It has taken me so long to be joyful with where I am. Are there hard days? Hell yeah! But that’s life. Are there great days Absofreakinlutely! So if you’re asking yourself if you’re cursed, or if you messed up too much to ever be a wife? The answer is most definitely not.
God is not only for you but WITH you in the waiting. Trust that He loves you and that all you can do is put yourself out there and walk in obedience. He handles the rest. Until next time…
Jenny is vivacious, competitive, and can usually be located in a room by her loud laugh or animated motions. Her goal is to tie in life’s quirks and turns with God’s sincere goodness, pursuit, forgiveness and ultimate joy.
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