32 Meets 16

32 Meets 16

by God's_Angel 

             At 32 years old, I call myself a late bloomer. Wisdom did not happen to me at 21 like it was supposed to. It barely even arrived at 31. However, it is slowly finding its place now, as I am progressing (I'd like to see it that way at least).

              In my wondering mind, I sometimes try to have a conversation with the 16-year-old me, I once knew. She was one of the most passionate girls, zealous in the things she wanted to do; Always the life of the party. She had energy that’s infectious; heart that’s boundless and love that’s limitless. She was a risk-taker that knew no heights. She had friendships with no age bar and was a hugger of all times and all kinds.

             And this girl met Jesus. She fell instantly in love and gave her heart to Him. As the days went by, her relationship with Jesus, grew weak.  She stepped into a new college and fell in love with a boy (who is not a believer of Christ) who was her senior. He did not have a good image in college, but she loved him anyway with a good heart as she believed God sent her into this boy’s life to save him through her faith not knowing that it’s a vicious trap from the enemy. She did not realize that she was going against the will of God by unequally yoking with an unbeliever and asking Him to bless her and give her what she was asking for. She distracted herself into pleasing her boyfriend and compromised her purity by giving into the pleasures of flesh. She was so naïve that she could not realize she was emotionally, verbally and sexually being abused. In this chaos, she completely forgot about the Jesus she had first fallen in love with.

She not only understood the manipulations and abuse of her boyfriend, but was also foolish to marry the same guy thinking it was all normal in “love.” 

             The marriage started to become painful. As her husband was against Jesus, she couldn’t even connect with church or Godly people. That’s when she began to fill her love-less gaps with worldly friendships, fashion, connections, social media, secular music, partying and fun. She felt trapped in her marriage and had to stay in it to maintain the social façade she had created by then. It did not stop there. Her problem has gotten worse.

             The desperate need for love introduced her to a new kind of friendship. The affection, appreciation and acceptance that came from the special friend has advanced that friendship into an intimate relationship that she had not seen it coming or could control. She convinced herself that it’s ok as she was going through the roughest situation in her marriage. Again, she started to believe that this was the love she had been looking for all these years. Her mind was filled with the thoughts of this person that she didn’t realize “sin couldn’t be the solution for her problem.” She was so blinded that she lost all her sensitivity towards Jesus and His Love. She started to come to her senses slowly when she found out that she became pregnant. Completely wrestling in her mind, she wanted to reconcile with Jesus and make things right again. But, that mental stress took a serious toll on her.

             In June, of 2016, four months after her son was born, she had a terrible psychotic maniac attack for two full weeks. Psychiatrists were not able to control her condition even with the highest dosage of drugs. She was diagnosed with bipolar depression. Her mind gave away and she put out all the truths about herself without her knowledge. It was the darkest period of her life. She lost her family, friends, home, name, fame and everything she thought she had. She was left with nothing. Crippled with shame, guilt and pain she turned back to JESUS. He was the only One and the only way she knew, who would lovingly accept her without a second thought. She was desperately looking for a second chance with life.

              But what went so wrong at the beginning?…. She failed to rightly KNOW Jesus she first met at 16 (Galatians 4:9). If that one thing had happened right, she would not have traded that relationship with any wishy-washy temporary love of this world and could have saved herself from these 16yrs of painful mess.

            When you meet someone significant in life, it is really important to know about that person really well to establish a stronger bond and deeper connection. And to do that you need patience and commitment. Clearly this 16-year-old was not aware of that.

              So after all these years of brokenness, this 32-year-old, professional, working, single mom of two beautiful kids has set out to tell that 16-year-old girl about what she had now found out about Jesus that she is crazily in love with. Yes…I call it crazy!

             Before anything, I want her to know that Jesus is not just the "anybody" she thought He was.

             He is the Master-Hero that she could not have ever dreamed in her entire life.

             Literally a breath- taking, awe-struck, supreme-heir of the One true living God, who in all his full will came to love her!(John 3:17) The maker of this entire universe (Col 1:16) extends His hand first, asking for hers, just to have a relationship with her. Wow! That’s just enough for me to fall on my knees to spend the rest of my life to simply live with him. I don’t even want anything. What do you ask someone that magnificent anything more than His presence in life? He is real and He says “You are My kind of Beautiful” (Song of Solomon 4:7).

             When the 16-year-old girl went back to Jesus again and truly accepted Him into her heart at 32, He came to live inside her. And that’s not a joke! He got serious with her. All she got to do was to keep the condition of the place He came to live in, in its best possible state according to His style and simply trust and adore Him for who He is. And, His style is pretty crisp – Holy; Clean and Pure (Isaiah 57:15). He cannot stay in a heart that is not according to His style. He is Royalty in its Finest.

              The 16-year-old did not quite get that piece then. She was not patient enough to grasp the entire beauty in that royal lifestyle. She got distracted by the outside musings that this dark world had to offer (Titus 2:11-12) and failed to stay committed to WHO came into her heart first. If only she had understood the value of what entered in her life and started to treasure it, she would have experienced the Heaven on this earth

Now this 32-year-old, broken and bold, has become that heaven bent woman, holding on to the Master of Heavens in her Heart, and that is a beauty.