More Space

More Space

by Natalie Rehfeld

Ever since I was a kid, I felt uncomfortable.

My legs would bulge out because they weren’t thin like the other little girls in my class.

I had chubby cheeks, and I was really tall, even called a giant once.

I grew older and in high school this became unbearable. I was tired of the doctor telling me I was overweight. I was sick of criticizing the rolls of fat on my stomach, the thickness of my thighs, the largeness of my being.

I wanted to be smaller. Thin. Cute.

I attained this type of body for a little while when I under ate and punished myself in the end of high school. But I could never get low enough, and I was exhausted all the time.

I’ve told this story over and again to try to encourage other women that focusing on weight isn’t worth it.

It wasn’t until I started studying Sociology that I realized the way we continue the cycle of oppression is by not challenging the roles that are placed for women like the idea that thinness equals beauty, value, importance.

This weight we desire to reach, the small frame, translates into the idea that we as women need to be small.

I’ve decided to challenge the idea of womanhood.

I will take up space.

Losing too much weight by starving myself converted into my mind that I needed to take up less space; I didn’t want to be large anymore.

I was trying to be small when naturally my body is beautifully curvy and “larger” framed. I eat healthy and workout, but I haven’t seen a dramatic shift towards smallness, so that told me that maybe I was made to look like this.

I was made to have strong legs, so I could kick butt.

Really though.

I think I’m finally done trying to lose weight.

It makes me cringe every time I hear a girlfriend say “I could always lose a few pounds” as if the mindset that to be thinner could always be the better option.

What if we strive to be strong, to love our bodies, to demand space?

That would really upset the companies that try to sell you on the latest fad diet or pill or whatever.

I still believe we should treat our bodies with respect, eat healthy, exercise moderately, and rest.

But maybe I can do all this and still be a size 10 pant size, and have a slight muffin top when I don’t wear mom jeans (which doesn’t happen very often but stay with me).

Maybe I am who I am because I was created this way, with purpose. As God says,

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139:13-16

Please, take up space.

Speak up, spill your heart, be brave.

be you.

Natalie Rehfeld is a college student at Azusa Pacific University studying Psychology. She hopes to be raw and authentic so that others may feel they too can take off their masks and be who God created them to be.  Check out Natalie's encouraging blog! https://natalierehfeld.wordpress.com./